Making the Connections

Disclaimer: There may be potential for this post to garner many a foot in my blogged mouth. As is always the case I bring up topics such as these because they are inherent thoughts that I cannot dispel. Help me to dispel them by commenting and putting me in my place. I also wish to offend no one, but realize that anything is possible.

We’ve all heard Dee talk about OCD and order and disorder and such and so forth. I am sorry about that. But realize that DeesKnees Blog is a form of therapy for my confused mind. That being said, I’ve often time wondered about other people and how they come to the conclusions that they do about normal daily life activities. I am amazed by the decisions that are made by some people. Am I being brash? Perhaps. I don’t really know. Let me begin with some examples.

The Seatbelt Phenomenon: I cannot even begin to name names here, because I have seen so many people do it. Please tell me if you have noticed this. There are 2 ways to achieve the seatbelt phenomenon. The first and most baffling to me is the guy or person who is about 3 or 4 blocks from home and has decided, hmm…now is a good time to take off my seatbelt. And what’s the thinking here? That, what, if you are close to your home you won’t get hit? Please I want to know. The second instance is the reverse. This is the guy who starts the car, pulls out onto the road, puts on the radio, rolls down the window, and then puts on the seatbelt. Both of these events can have the same result: injury, body damage to the vehicle, or better yet, death. Why do people think it’s okay to be unsafe when you are near your home? I am living proof of such an event. I was once T-boned by some guy speeding through a stop sign. I was in the passenger seat. I didn’t have on my belt because I thought, ‘hmm..I am only going about a mile away. It’s not going to matter.’ I was one block from my house. Maybe I learned my lesson. That’s perhaps what people need to do. But, really why do you take off your seatbelt when you are almost home. Just push on through, you’ll make it buddy. You’ll make it home, strapped in.

The Shoes on the Table Phenomenon: Come on, this is not OCD here. This is common sense. Why would you ever, ever in a million years put your sneakers, sole down, on the same space where you eat your eggs; where your daughter slops up her baby food right off the table? Where in your mind is that an okay thing? You sit back and think about all of the places where the bottom of your shoes have been. Is that a proper sentence? Whatever. Haven’t you made the connection?

The Full Glass on the Floor Phenomenon: Do I need to say anything? Why? Don’t do it. Make the connection.

The Entitlement Phenomenon: This one is particularly fascinating and alarming to me. This is the guy that thinks that he deserves, deserves, deserves. This can be anything from good service at Wendy’s to, gee, I don’t know thinking that you have your own stool at the bar and are entitled to it even if somebody else is sitting in it. Can you please help me, and tell me where in your mind have you decided that the world owes you something? Really, maybe you’ve got something on society that I just can’t figure out. To watch something like this is a pretty disgusting feat. Makes me quiver. I don’t think a connection is possible here. I mean, if you are doing this, than you are beyond help.

The Senior Citizen Phenomenon: Here’s where I may offend. And frankly these things really aren’t phenomena. That is just such a colorful word. Anywhoo, I was in the grocery store the other day, zoning out on produce and some old guy walks up to the cherries. He opens up the bag, mind you, takes a handful of cherries and pops them in his mouth. He looks at me and smiles with a guilty grin only a man of his age and stature can do. Lets me know with his eyes that he’s, ‘old, and confused and it’s okay, he’s not really doing any harm, is he?’ And I’m thinking, ‘sure why not buddy, you are old, go right ahead.’ I’m thinking this just as another woman (middle-aged) comes up to the cherries and looks at the same bag that he just put his paw into. She picks around and finds a bag that is more suitable. Maybe this is another example of entitlement. But seniors really take it into their own level, don’t they. Yes, this is like Uncle Leo and the batteries. I’m not trying to steal Jerry Seinfeld’s act or what not. But I saw it. I saw it in action, and it really made me think, ‘hasn’t this guy made the connection?’

There are, of course many others. Many that perhaps even I have committed. But the shoes thing-I mean come on Jay-Dogg.

Latro,

Dee

Amendments to the Joy of Lists

Well after a few months I’ve thought about my musical lists and thought about some amendments and changes and some new ones.


Let’s get right to it.

TOP 5 ALBUMS PRODUCTIONWISE:
Note, when talking about production I’m not necessarily thinking of the material at hand, though song sequence plays a part. Mostly, when I listen to an album it has to have clarity and I need to hear the varying layers that went into place when the artist was mixing the album.

5. SMiLE (Brian Wilson)
4. The Soft Bulletin (The Flaming Lips)
3. Unorthodox Behaviour (Brand X)
2. A Trick of the Tail (Genesis)
1. Love over Gold (Dire Straits)

The strangest one on here is Unorthodox Behaviour as it is quite obscure. But the drums sound fantastic and the guitars are very crisp and in line with everything else. This is a great background album and headphone album. But The Soft Bulletin takes the cake for headphone albums. It is the quintessential headphone album. Lots of stuff going on coming at you in all directions. It’s like melting chocolate in your ears (that’s a good thing). SMiLE will always have a special place in my heart for various reasons, but what really struck me the first time I heard it was how much it sounded like it was in the 60’s the way it was meant to be. I think a lot of the instrumentation used on the Brian Wilson version were modern and digital and yet still retain the old school analog qualities of the by gone era. A Trick of the Tail has the best sequence of songs, and the best flow of any record I’ve ever heard. Again, the drums sound fantastic. And you can finally hear Steve Hackett’s guitar over Tony’s synth arsenal. So why is Love over Gold first? The only 80’s production on the list and it’s grand. It’s not even my favorite DS album, but Mark Knopfler had a few rootsy albums under his belt already by the time this weird thing came out. It had to be weird. Great atmosphere. That’s all I can really say. If a studio is capable of creating a mood, than Love over Gold is the result.

AMENDMENTS TO TOP 5 GUITARISTS:

Robert Fripp
Gary Louris


Fripp is god. He has a really messed up band—King Crimson does not make any sense to the modern world, and yet I need them in my life to get through those times. Some people have heavy metal when they are feeling some anger. I have Fripp. Everything he plays on the guitar has super tone. Super tone. Gary Louris of the Jayhawks is a subtle player. A lot the their music is overshadowed by the sweet harmonies, but take notice of his very tasty distorted minimalist solos on songs like Take Me With You (When you Go) or Miss Williams’ Guitar. Good stuff for sure.


DESERT ISLAND AMENDMANT

Pinkerton (Weezer)


Can’t believe I forgot this one. Pinkerton is a rare bird in the sense it’s from a band that is known by the masses as this huge ridiculous pop band. Pinkerton is filled with melodies and pop sensibilities and yet it retains a raw character that defined a particular time in my life (1996-1998). I know every word to this album. I play it loud and sing to it. There aren’t too many in my collection like Pinkerton, so it must be on the island with me.


Anyone else?

The Joy of Lists

I love lists. Not only are they beneficial toward setting goals they also allow one to take stock in the various tangents within a situation. Listing out my events for the day allows for great satisfaction when achieving goals. The act of crossing an event off of a list is so cathartic to me that I find myself addicted.

That being said, it’s time for a few top 5 lists that have nothing to do with goals, or the act of crossing off events. I just needed a good way to start this one. So, I think I will begin with a musical version of my top 5’s. Why 5? Why not? It’s easy. The lists will all countdown to the number one and most special thing.

Here we go.

TOP 5 BANDS OF ALL TIME:
5. Pink Floyd/Wilco (Tie)
4. Dire Straits
3. Phish
2. Genesis
1. My Morning Jacket

It was very, very hard to put MMJ 1st. Genesis has been the leader of the pack since I remember hearing music as a young child. But, they have been inactive for so many years and MMJ are simply the best thing out there right now so they are Numero Uno for now at least. I think also important to note that Pink Floyd and Wilco are an even tie for me. I don’t want to put too many ties up on these lists, but I had to in this case. The Beatles aren’t up there either. It’s pretty obvious to pick them. The way I feel about that situation is thus: The Beatles will always float around my top 5, I can’t therefore put them on any list. Sometimes they are number 1. Sometimes 4 thru 2.

TOP 5 BANDS OF THE LAST 5 TO 10 YEARS (Noobies):
5. Snow Patrol
4. Death Cab for Cutie
3. Thirteen Senses
2. The Shins
1. My Morning Jacket

The Shins are closing in on number 1. Watch out Jim.

TOP 5 ALBUMS OF ALL TIME:
5. Animals (Pink Floyd)
4. Selling England by the Pound (Genesis)
3. OK Computer (Radiohead)
2. It Still Moves (MMJ)
1. A Trick of the Tail (Genesis)

A very tough one. 3 more Genesis albums could easily make this list (Duke, The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway, Foxtrot). I’m also very much in love with Hollywood Town Hall by the Jayhawks.

TOP 5 SONGS OF ALL TIME:
5. The Long and Winding Road (The Beatles)
4. Echoes (Pink Floyd)
3. The Divided Sky (Phish)
2. Steam Engine (MMJ)
1. The Cinema Show (Genesis)

This was very hard. The top 3 I’ll stick by until Jim writes another Steam Engine. Honorable mentions should go to: Out of this World (Marillion), Crowded in the Wings (The Jayhawks), Entangled (Genesis), Ashes of American Flags (Wilco), Heart of the Sunrise (Yes), Saint Simon (The Shins).

TOP 5 GUITARISTS OF ALL TIME:
5. David Gilmour
4. Eric Clapton
3. Trey Anastasio
2. Mark Knopfler
1. Steve Howe

No brainers for me. Steve’s got the best tone I’ve ever heard. He’s also probably the most versatile in the group. And his guitar kicks anybody’s ass.

TOP 5 DRUMMERS OF ALL TIME:
5. Pick Withers
4. Patrick Hallahan
3. Jon Fishman
2. John Bonham
1. Phil Collins (duh right?)

Say what you want about Phil, go ahead I don’t care. A lot of drummers put Phil up there high on their lists. There’s a reason, he brought the drums out front as main instrument on stage and in the studio. Have you ever heard Brand X, his side project in the 70’s? Well go buy an album and listen to that tasty drumming. John Bonham is predictable, but he’s a monster and very influential on my list. Patrick is a lot like Bonham and I think I play a lot like Patrick myself. Pick is the softest tastiest drummer of all. He never crashes those cymbals, just a soft touch.

TOP 5 BASS PLAYERS OF ALL TIME:
5. Tina Weymouth
4. Paul McCartney
3. Mike Gordon
2. Chris Squire
1. Mike Rutherford

Mike Rutherford is the most underrated bass player of all time. He gets overshadowed by the drums and the keyboards. But if you can concentrate on some of his lines, they are pretty crazy. Even on a simple pop tune like Just a Job to Do, he plays very fat and funky. But go further back toward the Lamb, especially The Colony of Slippermen and you’ll really hear the master at work.


MY DESERT ISLAND PICKS:
5. Beethoven’s 5th Symphony
4. Ok Computer (Radiohead)
3. Afraid of Sunlight (Marillion)
2. On Every Street (Dire Straits)
1. A Trick of the Tail (Genesis)

If I had to pick 5, I pick these because they all retain their value after repeated listenings. That’s very important. They are also all very textured albums with several themes.



That’s what I have for now. I’m sure I’ll regret a lot of what I put up there. I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting things like, oh I don’t know, The Soft Bulletin by the Flaming Lips and a bunch more prog stuff. Oh well. Anybody got their top 5’s ready for public consumption? Bring it on.

We’ll do film next.


Love,
Dee

Judging Amy and Gordon Lightfoot-What Do They Have in Common?

I'm feeling the old thing pretty tough lately. My bones are achy; my heart is still beating faster than it should be. But most of all, I've given up on the whole Anti-Television manifesto that I had running out of my head for the past 5 years or so. I don't know, maybe it's the age, or maybe it's suburbia. I try to stay away from what I would have called 'crap' so many years ago. But yeah, Judging Amy, that's pretty crappy. I'm going to tell you why I like her though. I am going to go on record and contradict myself. I'd like to catch my self in an act of self awareness. Here it goes.

Amy. Ah Amy. You're little show is sweet. Let me tell you how I came across this Soap--yeah it's soap. I had never seen the show when it was on primetime television. I heard of it like I had heard of many of the droves of pedestrian, pull at your heartstring dramas of the time. I thought they were all 'crap'. I still do. I don't care. I found Amy on a sick day from the jobby job.I remember when I was sick as a wee lad. Those days, it was Bob Barker who got the engines roaring. Man I loved Plinko. But what I found as I got older, out of school and into the working world was that daytime television was really set up for 3 demographics of which I didn't fit into. 1. Moms 2. Kids 3. Old People. So I came across Amy when I simply couldn't muddle through Days or Passions, or any of the talk shows or gameshows.

But let me just say some things about Amy. There is a real comfort level to that show. It's pretty melodramatic and over the top, but you know Maxine Gray. Well she's just the bees god damn knees. She takes Social Work to all kinds of levels. She's the anchor of that show. Her and Bruce. Bruce is the man. Cool and collected and guarded. When him and Amy got it on it was tender.That's all I really have to say about Amy for now. I'd welcome any comments on her. She's hott.

This leads of course to the next topic of convo. Gordon Lightfoot. I like him. I like him a lot. What does that mean? Am I getting old? The man has a voice that is smooth as butter. I don't know what else to say. I know that 'older' people like his music. At least that's what I used to say to myself. Well I like him too. I guess I'm 'older'.

Anybody have a show that they watch when they are home sick? Or better yet did it hook you?We want to know.

Dee

Drowning

I don’t get sick often. When I do I end up drowning in a pool of lethargy and chills. Today I am sick. I have the common cold. This begs the question which probably doesn’t get asked enough by the masses: What the hell is the common cold?

Why do we call it a cold? And why do I get it so bad? They say it’s contagious, right? Like it comes from touching or sneezing. But how do we know the precise moment that this hits our blood stream? These are questions, lots of questions. And I don’t need answers. I just want to drown in this soupy mass of snot and tears and congestion. I want to feel sorry for myself and have others feel sorry for me. Probably the only time I actually care about what other people are thinking of me.

Oh man, my hands are clammy.

Oh wait, I just lost my sh*t. Wait, no it’s okay. Screw Human Resource Management. Fever blisters of joyous rapture.

Oh man, I’ve lost it. It’s all good though. I like it. Feel sorry for me. Buy me a soup. Why do we eat soup when we are sick? The common cold—it’s all so dumb.

Commie bastards. Die scum sucker.

Late,
Dee

Where Are They Now Revisited

Remember when we were talking about our favorite Television characters and their fate? Well, I feel its time to revisit that topic. Now the rules are thus: we are not interested in the actors. We are to presuppose the fate of characters lives. So here we go.

Brian Hackett from Sandpiper Air; where is he? Do you think that he’s still living in Nantucket with his brother Joe? As I recall he ended up shagging Helen’s sister Casey. Man I hate Casey, I’d like to throw a brick at her skull. In my mind Brian has left Casey, left Joe and went off to the Caribbean. I don’t want to believe that he is in dire straits, but knowing Brian and his crazy antics I would have to say he may have picked up a nasty cocaine habit or some kind of addiction to amphetamines. Too many years chasing women and dealing with his brother Joe’s OCD would have driven him away. My guess is that he is strung out living in a hostel somewhere on a Caribbean island. But, maybe, just maybe Joe will bail him out once more.

Let’s get away from New England for a second and head to Alaska. Joel Fleischman; now this guy went nuts when he headed into the forest. I’d like to think he came to his senses and returned to Cicely and hooked up with Maggie. That’s what everyone wants to believe. I don’t blame them. But no, Joel went back to New York. That’s home for Joel. To tell you the truth, I didn’t watch the final season of NE, so maybe Joel did return. I’m going out on a limb here. But so what, he’s back in NYC now. He’s got a practice on the East Side and a nice pad right near Hunter College. His obsession with the television show St. Elsewhere has caused him great distress. As we all know the people at NBC have refused to even consider putting this classic show on DVD. There is nowhere for Joel to get his St. Elsewhere fix. And because of this, he’s been taken to court by NBC brass for various small crimes. Joel, stalking that receptionist isn’t going to get your show on DVD. Maybe you should try a petition.

Now there is the issue of Brenda Walsh. We cannot dismiss this powerhorse of a woman. Frankly, I think her best days are still ahead of her. Currently she is living in Hollywood landing a few minor roles on daytime television. She’s rekindled her friendship with Kelly and heck; she’s even let Steve Sanders come by for a few late night parties in the hot tub. But she knows not to give Steve too much attention; he always ends up biting the hand that feeds him. Can we say KEG house? As for Dylan and Brenda, well it’s just never going to happen. She knows it, he knows it. We all know it. Brenda is still seeking the right man for the job. That is why I’d say her best days are ahead of her. God love her.


Okay, so what your thoughts on others?

Latro,
Dee

Lament for My Beard

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time to shave off my loveliest feature. I have great admiration for my beard. When it is with me I feel safe and warm. I feel confident and cool winded. When it is gone, I am naked and lost. It takes a few weeks to adjust. But I never fully adjust.

So why do I shave it? I ask myself that question every time the razor hits the skin. I don’t have a good answer. I have a stupid answer. I have two stupid answers actually. The first is that I don’t feel like I look normal wearing shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops while accompanied by facial hair. I don’t know why but I associate beard and shorts with dirty hippie. And by no means am I aiming to offend all the dirty hippies out there. I just don’t think I pull that look off very well. I wish I did, as I would like to keep the beard all year round.

The second reason is humidity. I have the kind of hair on my head and within my beard which gets a bit unruly, itchy and huge in humid weather. June is okay. But once July comes its itch-scratch central. It isn’t fun.

But I must say this, I am a beard person. The beard is me. I think it defines me. The guy without the beard (the summer guy) is a bit off centre. A bit lost, and a bit messed up. So with that I say to my friend, “Goodbye buddy, I’ll see you around September time. I love you and I’ll miss you very much.”

Latronic,
Dee